Big Ben
by Ladyamesindy
Summary: Commander Jayce Shepard has a particular routine for coming down off a difficult mission. Until the one time she receives an unexpected surprise ...


_**Sort of inspired by the HOURS (I kid you not! lol) spent scanning planets last weekend in Jayce's ME2 play through.**_

* * *

Unwinding after a mission could be completed in many ways, but for Jayce Shepard, it often meant a particular routine. First off, a long, hot shower, followed by changing into her favorite and most comfortable BDUs plus her Alliance hoodie, and then fixing up a large cup of steaming hot tea, two sugars and a touch of cream. The _real_ stuff, not that fabricated 'we're just as good as the original' crap that usually got stored away on board ship to serve during long deployments. There was a _reason_ that stuff always outlasted such missions. After that, it was just a matter of making her way to the CIC.

That was the routine … at least … that had _been_ the routine _before._

These days, Jayce could still grab the shower easily enough (benefits of having a private head in her cabin, she supposed), though instead of the BDUs she had to rely on an unfamiliar uniform in colors which she abhorred and fabrics that were more than just a little bit uncomfortable; there was no Alliance hoodie (not even a Cerberus one to replace it - someone fell down on the job there); but at least the tea was still steaming hot, two sugars and _REAL CREAM_. Gardener, bless his heart, had the presence of mind to protect her small supply down in the galley. For that little bonus, she promised to obtain whatever supplies he needed for the mess.

Today's mission had been a particularly tough one, though, and that was saying something considering that the mission before that had been her encounter with the batarians on Aratoht. What a SNAFU that had been. Coming out of that experience, Jayce had been almost certain that nothing (save maybe their ultimate face off with the Collectors which she _knew_ was in the cards somewhere) could even come close. She'd been wrong.

_Tarith_.

Jayce had taken Grunt and Zaeed with her on this one. Simple enough mission, really: intel had them going to take out a Blood Pack communications relay. No one had warned them of the planetside conditions, the nearly impenetrable fog that covered everywhere and kept them from seeing more than just a few feet ahead of themselves. One wrong step, and they would have ended up over a ledge (Jayce had counted three instances of that) or down a rocky slope (twice), and had resulted in their engagement with some strange new insect-like species (still waiting on identification from EDI on that one). By the time they found their way to the communications relay, it came as no surprise to find several vorcha and a krogan battlemaster waiting for them, just to mix things up a little. The memory of that last battle had Jayce rolling her shoulder carefully, the ache there still tender where the krogan had managed a lucky headbutt. Dr. Chakwas assured her it would be fine, that her cybernetic implants were working at top speed to heal the area, but whether it was actual pain or some sort of phantom memory of it, Jayce swore she could still feel it just as sharply all these hours later.

But seeing as the hot shower, a heavy dose of industrial strength painkillers and her hot cup of tea were doing little to relieve the ache, it was time to find some other distraction. And Jayce had just the one in mind. _When in doubt, there's always duty to fall back upon …._

Arrival in the CIC was as it always was: quiet. Focused. In its own way, relaxing, though Jayce preferred the conditions on the previous _Normandy_ to this one. The Cerberus rebuild was too … bright. Too open. Too … much. The set up was mostly the same except for that. Not that she had a thing against the brightness, but when it came right down to it, duller tones and slightly dimmer lighting had worked better.

Jayce made her way around the galaxy map, past several of the crew who were discussing … something (she never had the heart to interrupt at times like this unless she was specifically asked for input) and then up the steps towards the bridge. However, she stopped just before reaching it, her attention drawn to the workstation on the right rather than her pilot up ahead. "How's it going, Newsome?" she asked quietly.

"Nothing out of the ordinary, Commander. We're about to come up on Euntanta," the yeoman replied, rising from the console to allow Jayce to take the seat. "She's all yours."

Jayce grinned. "Thanks." Setting her tea to the side, she slipped into the chair (leather here, too, she'd informed Joker with a grin after her first stint on planet scanning duty), donned her headset and settled in. It was time to get to work.

Unlike many in or out of the Alliance involved in such things, Jayce Shepard found the process of planet scanning to be quite the stress reliever. Aboard the SR1, especially after a hard mission, she had often been found hard at work at the station for the entire next shift. Though it had taken several weeks to convince the two Cerberus employees assigned to this task that she was indeed serious about taking her turn at the process, they had finally given in, now including her for shifts immediately following a groundside mission.

"EDI, how are we doing?" Jayce asked as she adjusted the monitor before her.

"ETA twenty minutes, Commander," was the response.

Twenty was good, Jayce thought as she sipped at her tea. Gave her a chance to get herself focused for the next several hours. A chance to focus on something other than ….

A soft ping and the merest hint of a vibration at her wrist had Jayce glancing down as her omni-tool sprung to life. Thankfully, she'd just set her tea to the side and did not have to worry about it spilling all over her as she began coughing at the message that flashed across.

"Commander," EDI's voice rang in her ears, "do you require medical assistance?"

"No," Jayce rasped, struggling to bring her breathing back under control as she continued to stare at the 'tool's screen before her. "Just ... swallowed wrong." _But that isn't really the truth, is it?_ Eyeing the screen, Jayce noted that the cursor was blinking, indicating that the chat feed was live … but how could that be?

_Big_Ben: Are you there?_

Closing her eyes, Jayce allowed her head to drop backwards against the rest. Valiantly, she tried ignoring the sudden blooming ache in her chest that came upon seeing the moniker. _Big_Ben_ had been her brother's chat ID. An ID that had been lost fifteen years ago with his death on Mindoir. No one else knew about it, _could_ know about it, so who was behind this? There were very few people alive who would even know of the connection between herself and Benjamin Shepard, unknown colony agriculturist. It certainly wasn't something she talked about to anyone. Oh, she suspected Miranda could have found out. That woman seemed to know any and everything about Jayce, much to the Commander's consternation at times. But if it was Miranda behind this, why had she waited so long to try? They'd been at this mission for weeks now, well over three months, wasn't it? So who else could it possibly be …?

The memory, when it hit, had her breath hitching softly. Along with that came another realization: it wasn't only the fact that the account name was unexpected, but it had been directed to her personal chat account. An account that very few and certainly only very close individuals had access to, and certainly no one in the Alliance had any open knowledge of. She felt a rippling sensation in the back of her mind as the hidden memory, one that might have been lost during the two years of her death, now hazily began to return and fill in the gaps ...

_Kaidan glanced down at the photo on the desk as he straightened his uniform. Reaching over, he lifted it so he could look more closely at it and asked, "Who is this standing with you?"_

_Jayce smiled and crossed over to his side, gently taking the frame reverently in hand. "That," she murmured, "is Benjamin." She looked up at Kaidan and felt her smile widen, only the merest hint of sadness visible in her violet eyes. "My older brother," she clarified when he still looked confused. "He died on Mindoir, fighting off the batarians to give me a chance to flee. I found this picture later, somehow it had been published." She shrugged. "Some propaganda thing to entice colonists to Mindoir, taken when I was a kid, I think. It's all I have left of him."_

_Kaidan's arm slid around her, tightening in support. "You look so tiny in that picture," he observed._

_Jayce chuckled. "He was a big guy," she explained. "I think I was about … fourteen in this picture? Anyway, I used to call him 'Big Ben' when I was really little. He once showed me a picture of the clock in London, the one called Big Ben. I think I was nine at the time. Anyway, I started calling him Big Ben after that and he let me." She set the frame back on the desk and turned to face Kaidan. "I think he would have liked you."_

_A brow lifted in surprise. "Yeah?"_

_Jayce nodded. Leaning up, she brushed a light kiss across his lips before pulling away and turning towards the door to the cabin. "Yeah."_

Eyes blinking back quick tears at the memory of better times that yet again had been stolen from her, Jayce moved her right hand over to type:

_SpaceJayce: I am, though I can think of a few places I'd rather be._

After sending the message, Jayce sat back and now tried a slow and careful sip of her tea, wondering if her guess was correct. She'd have to wait and see if anything developed out of this that might allow her to drop a hint or two that only he would know ….

_Big_Ben: Ilos perhaps?_

If she hadn't had her mug against her lips, Jayce's gasp might have been audible enough for EDI to notice this time. It was like he was reading her mind ….

_SpaceJayce: Yes._

There was a moment's pause this time, giving Jayce a chance to eye the datafeed to her monitor to see that they were still a good ten minutes out from Euntanta. She wasn't concerned so much with what might happen once they arrived - she'd managed in the past, both on the SR1 and SR2, to have conversations with those around her while still continuing to do the appropriate scans and such, but this time given everything that had happened between them, it might be just a bit more distracting.

_Big_Ben: You aren't alone. _

The suddenness with which her heart lurched just then almost concerned Jayce, though she simply attributed it to an overwhelming sense of relief. Yes, they'd had a brief and somewhat amicable reunion just a couple of weeks before aboard the Citadel, but it had been just that: brief and slightly awkward. But if she wasn't misinterpreting him now, he was actively reaching out to her, as she had done him …. Which led to a whole new set of concerns. Was he being monitored? Sure, the account was in a completely different name, as was hers, but if anyone in the Alliance was to guess that he was in contact with her … Or, what if the Illusive Man, or Miranda, or some other Cerberus crewman recognized that she was having a conversation with someone non-related to the mission? Especially the Illusive Man, considering the trouble he'd gone to trying to force Shepard's hand into breaking completely with her past in order to focus on the mission before her now.

Fingers flying over the omni-tool keypad, she typed:

_SpaceJayce: Not that I'm not grateful to hear from you, but …._

He was quick to reply, clearly having thought things out, identifying the same areas of concern that she had. No surprise there, really. It made for a rather nostalgic moment for her, all things considered.

_Big_Ben: Untraceable account. We're good. Unless you don't want to?_

_SpaceJayce: No! That's not what I meant at all!_

_Big_Ben: Good. I'm glad._

"Commander, Mr. Moreau will have us in orbit in approximately five minutes," EDI announced.

Jayce broke free from the conversation for a moment, eyes automatically drawn to the still quiet scanning monitor before her. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she replied as evenly as possible, "Thanks, EDI." After all, if EDI sensed anything unusual was up, she'd be just as likely to report it as, say, Miranda. Right?

_Big_Ben: I saw the Admiral the other day. He briefed me on the outcome of your last situation._

_SpaceJayce: Oh. Then you know._

There was a pause then, and Jayce unconsciously drew her lower lip in between her teeth, worrying it there. If Hackett had told him about that mission ….

_Big_Ben: We are already working on a defense strategy. Focus on the mission at hand and come home safely. Let us worry about the other._

'We.' Jayce sighed, but managed a small smile. 'Home.' She was surprised at how comforting those two words could be.

_SpaceJayce: Duly noted. _

_Big_Ben: 'Dad' also asked me to relay to you his hope that you will stay safe. _

Jayce blinked. _'Dad'?_ "Oh," she breathed softly, a small chuckle escaping. _Anderson. Must be. Interesting that he'd pass that along after what happened, though,_ she mused.

_SpaceJayce: Tell him I will do what I can, but he of all people knows how these things can be. _

"Commander, we are now establishing orbit around Euntanta," EDI announced, bringing Jayce's attention back.

"Thanks, EDI," she murmured while reaching over to press a button on the keyboard in front of her. "Initiating scanning procedures."

_SpaceJayce: Gotta dash. _

_Big_Ben: Everything okay?_

_SpaceJayce: Yeah. Just post-mission downtime. You know me. :P_

_Big_Ben: I remember. Just keep in mind, "All work and no play …."_

_SpaceJayce: Ha! Funny hearing that from you. _

_Big_Ben: Just … come back to us. Safe._

_SpaceJayce: That's the plan. _

Securing the chat to 'off,' Jayce turned her attention fully to the computer before her. It was difficult to describe what she was feeling just then. Hope, certainly. She could feel that blossoming and building inside of her. For the first time since … when? Before Alchera? Before Horizon? In some ways, it seemed like such a foreign sensation, but that's what she knew it to be. It left her feeling almost winded. And, for the first time, nearly wishing she didn't have to be on duty for the next few hours.

However, Jayce was not the type to shirk duty, no matter the reason. Besides, it would allow her some time to consider their conversation. To 'nitpick it apart,' as he used to tease her. Unable to suppress a soft chuckle, Jayce's fingers began moving across the keyboard in front of her in familiar routine. "Okay, EDI," she murmured as she finally set herself to the task at hand, "let's see what we can find out there."


End file.
